Saturday, June 22, 2019

Anxiety is not my friend, never has been. Nor is sitting at home with Felix day after day being totally immersed in his fussiness while Jarrod works to support our family. I see other babies in my birth month group on Facebook doing all the typical milestones for Felix’s age either on time or ahead, smiling, giggling, going out and doing fun things with their families. I look at Felix... and he’s behind. Not behind by far, but enough that I tend to dwell on it. And his fussiness generally keeps us home, making me feel trapped. I’ve spent many hours (most days) trying to keep him appeased. Usually with little success, until this past week. This past week I decided two things.

First of all, rather than be frustrated and resisting the reality of Felix’s temperament, I decided to accept and embrace it. This is who he is and it won’t be changed. He’s my buddy anyway, no matter what. So I’m doing my best to go with the flow.

Second, rather than dwell on all my anxiety over his milestones, I downloaded an app on my phone called BabySparks. I’ve been using it to do developmental activities with Felix every day. I’m putting my worries to work by working with him to develop the skills in which he is behind. Just in the last five or six days I’ve already begun to see improvements. Which is keeping him active and happy with the benefit of also easing some of my fears.

I never really thought about milestones or any such thing with my older boys when they were babies. I’m not sure why I’m so worried about it now. Back then I just went with what they could do at the time and we were all happy. They all reached their milestones when they were ready and are all perfectly fine teenagers now. I think maybe all the online comparisons are getting to me, not sure. But I’m tired of being worried. In a few months it will be a distant memory and Felix will be just where he’s supposed to be, after reaching those milestones on his own terms, when HE is ready.

As for some of the fussiness and tummy pains Felix still has lingering on, we have been referred to a specialist by his doctor. He sees the specialist in a couple weeks. I’m not terribly worried that something is wrong, but there are still things I’d like answers for. And hopefully it will makes Felix’s life a little easier to have those answers and potential solutions.

But as for this and everything else, we’re just taking things one day at a time.